Looking for a Perfect Gift?

Maryann and I have been close friends for almost 30 years – half of my life. Her 70th birthday is coming up. Besides being the big “seven-oh” birthday, this one is particularly poignant. We nearly lost her last summer to complications of what had been expected to be routine surgery.

So this week Linda and I sent a check in honor of her and her wife to the Transgender Law Center. Maryann identifies as genderqueer, and TLC works to protect her rights. It seems appropriate to celebrate her life by supporting a cause near her heart.

Donations like this have become my go-to for birthday presents and celebrations. For many friends, there’s nothing they’d rather get than a boost for their cause. I send a donation, and the non-profit sends them a card acknowledging my gift in their name. It might be their synagogue, or the American Civil Liberties Union, or the New Israel Fund, or the NAACP.

There are some organizations I’d never send a dollar, and the same is true of many of my friends. When I request donations instead of gifts, I usually offer at least two organizations, so people have a choice. When Linda and I were married, we asked for donations in lieu of gifts, and suggested the Alameda County Community Food Bank as well as the National Center for Lesbian Rights.  I’ve suggested the St. Baldrick’s Foundation as the non-political choice in recent years. (So far, everyone has agreed that childhood cancer research is a worthy cause!) Other easy choices are the Discovery Eye Foundation or

Sometimes, of course, the perfect gift appears and it is an article of clothing or a CD. There’s a package on my dining room table at this moment waiting for a dear friend whose name came to mind as soon as I saw it. (I can’t say what, she reads the blog!)

I’m writing this, though, to suggest that in this “season of gift giving” we can choose to delight our friends by giving tzedakah in their names. I know there’s no gift I’d rather receive.

All of the organizations listed above have received a rating of three stars or better from Charity Navigator, assuring that the money is well spent.

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Rabbi Ruth Adar is a teaching rabbi in San Leandro, CA. She has many hats: rabbi, granny, and ham radio operator K6RAV. She blogs at and teaches at Jewish Gateways in Albany, CA.

2 thoughts on “Looking for a Perfect Gift?”

  1. I wholeheartedly agree about donations for causes! As we age, more “stuff” is not always what we want or need. There are, however, some people who just NEED something to open, other than a card. What I love to do is to tie a symbol of the donation to a small, token gift. For example, when giving from Heifer International, (Organization that helps in developing countries- you can “give” a chicken or goat or ox in someone’s name). I might send along a christmas tree ornament (for those that celebrate)that is a goofy goat, or a soap int he shape of chickens. Not at all needed but can add a feeling of specialness. I do think these types of donations show how much you know and care about a person, you’ve done enough learning of them to find a charity they support and reached out… I’ve been recently shopping up a storm for my family, and now you have me thinking, perhaps a few donations are in order instead.

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