The Mitzvah We Don’t Do Often Enough

Image: President Obama visits a shooting victim in 2012. Photo by Pete Souza via Wikimedia.

Visiting the sick [bikur cholim] is the mitzvah that everyone knows about and too few of us actually observe. We learn about this commandment by example: when Abraham was recovering from his DIY bris, God went to visit him (Genesis 18.) Later in the Torah, we are commanded:

And you shall walk in [God’s] ways – Deuteronomy 28:6.

Maimonides, a physician, saw the mitzvah of visiting the sick in the commandment:

You shall love your fellow as yourself. – Leviticus 19:18.

As with any challenging mitzvah, the tradition gives us many guidelines about it. Some advice from the tradition:

• The patient who gets few visitors should be our first priority. Someone who gets lots of visitors is not in as great a need.
• Check ahead of time to see if a visit is welcome at this time. Not every sick person wants or needs visitors.
• Do not bring bad news to a sick person. We should leave our own sorrows or misgivings at the door.
• We should listen more that we talk, because we may get clues to other needs.
• Unless we have a medical degree (I don’t – do you?) we should not second guess the physicians or make medical suggestions. Undermining a patient’s faith in their physician can be extremely harmful.
• Be aware of the needs and wishes of the sick person. Better to leave a little too soon than to overstay your welcome.
• When a visit in person isn’t possible a phone call or similar contact may still be possible.

Some may ask, what DO I talk about on a visit to a sick person? Here are some ideas:

• Ask, “How’s it going?” and then sit quietly and let them talk.
• Ask, “Is there anything you wish you had here?” and listen to the answer.
• Ask, “Are there messages you’d like me to give anyone?” and listen.
• Ask, “Can I do anything for you / get something for you right this minute?”
• Bring good wishes from another person who is unable to visit.

The goal is to lighten the isolation that often comes with sickness. Especially in a hospital setting, the sick person often is subjected to tests and poking on the hospital’s schedule. Letting them boss you around (“fluff my pillow?” “get me a glass of water?”) can be a tremendous gift.

One other thing: In all sickroom settings but especially in the hospital, germs lurk that can be terribly harmful to the sick person and to others. WASH YOUR HANDS – before a visit, after a visit, after touching elevator buttons, after the bathroom, after touching anything in the sickroom. Hand sanitizer is better than nothing, but there’s no substitute for a 20 second scrub with soap and water!

While there is no blessing to say when visiting the sick, there is a blessing for the washing of hands:

Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, asher kideshanu b’mitzvotav, vitzivanu al netilat yadaim.

Blessed are You, Eternal, Ruler of Time-and-Space, who sanctifies us with mitzvot and commands us to wash our hands.

While this blessing originally was for the ritual washing of hands connected with sacrifices and meals, I like to use it to sanctify the act of preserving life via handwashing. Some other authorities may differ with me on this, but I believe it is so important to wash my hands carefully in a sickroom setting that it merits the blessing. (For more about the mitzvah of hand washing, read the article about it in My Jewish Learning.)