Anyone who spends much time with me hears about Green Stamps. Once upon a time, the Sperry & Hutchinson Company printed these stamps. Back in the 1960’s we received them as a premium at the grocery store and various retailers, and if we saved enough (usually by pasting them in special saver books) then we could trade the Green Stamps for all sorts of goodies: toys, housewares and other loot. I don’t know what happened to Green Stamps, but they are a fine metaphor for one aspect of my life.
I’ve got multiple disabilities: I have hearing problems, I am prone to cyclical depressions, and as if that weren’t bad enough, I’ve got mobility and pain problems as well. The actual diagnoses are not important (and frankly, not for the Internet) but the effect on my life is that I have to pick and choose carefully how I spend my energy. When I talk about “saving up my Green Stamps,” that’s what I mean.
Recently I ran across Christine Miserandino’s Spoon Theory which is a similar concept, brilliantly expressed. (Stop now, and click that link. It is an almost perfect expression of a very important concept.) The bottom line is that for some of us with chronic troubles, every choice has to be weighed and considered, because when we run out – whether it’s spoons or Green Stamps – the day is OVER. If we somehow get into a deficit, Heaven help us, because it will take weeks or months to recover.
I write about this not to whine but to say to you: this is how some of us live. If you see me or someone like me parking in a “handicap space,” don’t stop me to fuss at me.* You (1) can’t see my disability and (2) I am not going to stop, because if I stand there for more than 5 min I will break out in a sweat and eventually fall down and never run my errand. Don’t tell me that if I lose weight it will be all better. Don’t tell me about herbal supplements, meditation, medical doctors, or the miracle surgery your Aunt Flossie had. Trust me, I’ve heard it all.
But you want to help! I understand that. Here’s how you can help: When you see me, or any other person disabled by chronic illness, don’t try to fix things. Assume that my medical affairs are my private business (just as yours are your private business) and behave as you would to anyone else. Invite me to join you, and then don’t take offense if I tell you I really can’t. Because it’s not personal: believe me when I tell you what I need and don’t need: I know exactly how many Green Stamps I’ve got in my pocket.
What is hateful to you, do not do to any person. All the rest is commentary; go and study! – Rabbi Hillel
*If you think someone is abusing a handicap space, you can (1) leave them a note on the dashboard or (2) report them to the police. Just remember that you might be wrong.
Related articles
- Do You Remember Green Stamps? (sisterhoodofthemuse.wordpress.com)
Best. Blog post. EVER!
I won’t go into it, since I don’t want to bore you, but I literally feel your pain. People have said all the same things to me. I don’t have a handicap placard at the moment, but the doc will give me one if I need it. People should NEVER assume what someone else’s difficulties are, because you can’t see what they carry inside them.
As for whether or not to leave a note or call the police, I always check two places on the car: The bracket for the rear-view mirror, where the placard is supposed to be displayed, or the rear license plate which will at the least have a sticker on it with a special designation. 🙂
I wish you more good days, Rabbi — and plenty more Green Stamps! (I *LOVED* those when I was a kid!!!)
Cardinalrobbins, I wish you the best with your Green Stamps, too! Thank you for the appreciative words.
I check for those things on cars, myself, and generally just give the benefit of the doubt.
I was hesitant about accepting the placard from my doc, and in fact turned it down once. It took another person with a disability I regarded as more “legitimate” than mine to persuade me that I was passing on something that would enlarge my world a bit.
That gives me an idea. Thank you!
I’m so happy you found my blog. Your posts clearly equates the issue many of us have with our disorders. Green stamps were my go too mode of survival in college. I hadn’t thought of them in years and your anology of using them when your balance is already empty is an excellent analogy.
You have such great posts, I love reading all of them! My sister got her placard when she was about 20. She had a hard time with it too, mostly because to most she seems young, healthy, and able. She still avoids using it unless she feels she absolutely needs too. It really helped to open my eyes to the struggles others may be facing but we can’t see, and to try not to judge others when we have no idea what’s going on.