Yosi ben Yochanan of Jerusalem said: Let your house be wide open and let the poor be members of thy household; and do not talk much with women. This was said about one’s own wife; how much more so about the wife of one’s neighbor. Therefore the sages have said: He who talks too much with women brings evil upon himself and neglects the study of the Torah and will in the end inherit Gehenna. — Pirkei Avot 1.5
This verse from Mishnah begins with sentiments that are challenging but easy to affirm: let your house be wide open! Let the poor be members of your household! Then it serves up what looks to be the worst sort of misogyny.
When I see something troubling in a text, the first thing I do is back up and look at the Hebrew. What EXACTLY does it say? Here’s a very literal translation:
Yosi ben Yochanan, a man of Jerusalem, says: let your house be wide open, and let the poor be members of your household. But do not engage in excessive conversation with the woman. In speaking to his wife, so much the more so his friend’s wife. Therefore the sages say, excessive conversation with the woman causes evil to himself and neglect of Torah and he will eventually inherit Gehinnom.
At first reading, that’s not much better.
Short of shrieking and throwing the verse away, I see only one possible way out with this text. That’s the phrase תרבה שיחה, which I translated as “excessive conversation.” We might also read it as “too long a conversation.”
Excessive how? Too long for what? Let’s look at context. The verse begins with two statements about the household: “let your house be wide open” and “let the poor be members of your household.” In the patriarchal society of the sages, the household was women’s domain, specifically, the wife’s domain.
Given this context, is it not possible that this is a warning to the men to back off and not interfere in the domain of their wives? That also makes sense of the phrase, “so much more so his friend’s wife”: Don’t tell your wife how to run her house, and definitely don’t tell your friend’s wife how to do so!
There is also a detail in the text that most translations gloss over that supports this interpretation. The phrase “the woman,” repeated twice in this verse, includes the definite article: it is not “all women” but a particular woman about whom Yosi ben Yochanan is speaking. HaIshah, the woman, can also be translated “the wife.”
So let me try for a paraphrase:
Yosi ben Yochanan, a man of Jerusalem, says: let your house be wide open, and let the poor be members of your household. But do not micro-manage your spouse about it, much less the spouses of your colleagues. Nothing good will come of it; it will lead to neglect of Torah and a bad end.
I believe this text may be read not as a misogynist rant, but as a reminder to the men that they are not the bosses, or the experts, of everything. They should not meddle in the domain of their wives, and meddling in how other people’s homes are run is even worse.
What can this teach us today? Stay humble. Remember that everyone has his or her area of expertise. The large principles are good — don’t neglect those first two items! — but I should respect the expertise of others, no matter how much Torah I think I know.
Related articles
- History: Pirkei Avot Context (jewishwomenlearning.wordpress.com)
- “Anyone Who Converses Excessively…” (kingdaughter.wordpress.com)
Well, I don’t know if that’s what the Mishnah had in mind but I like it.
I am reminded of the praise of G-d that says “thank you for not making me a woman”. Men usually read that in terms if it’s bad to be a woman whereas I said “finally! Some recogntion that it’s not easy being a woman.”
Yes! The original intent is one thing. But sometimes I feel a need to find a way to read a verse that does not make me cringe or get angry every time I read it. Thanks so much for your comment!